话剧搞笑剧本短篇英文
演员:P:Pirate-Grandson.M:Mother.
F:Father.K:King-Grandpa.
旁白:Thereare4membersinafamily,Pirate,a7-year-oldnaughtyboy.Hismummyisabeautifulwhite-collarworker.Hisdad,AndyLauisafamoussinger,andhisdeargrandpa,Kingisakindlyoldman.Pirateloveshisgrandpamost,becauseKingisveryspoilinghim.Hehateshisparents.Franklyspeaking,heisafraidofthem,..
正剧：(P,K出场)
P:OldKing,OpentheTV,IwanttoseeTomandJerry.Ilovethatmouse.Quick!Notime!Ican’twaitanothersecond.
K:Ohdear!Inearlyforgetit.Don’tworry,Iopenitrightnow.(作开电视状)
P:HaHa!It’sreallyfunny!Tomissogood!(作高兴状)搞笑小品
Ohno!“TheEnd!”WhereisTom?Ihatetheend!(摔电视机，liuxue86.com作极度气愤状)OldKing!?(对K吼)
K：Oh,whatapitydog!(作左顾右盼状)Yourparentsarenothere,andwecanchangeanotherone,ourbravePirate,justtellme.I’.(作充满自信状)
P：Really!OK!Now,let’swatchCaribbeanPirates!
K:Humm,No,it’sunfitforyou……(作犹豫状)
P:Ijustlikethisfilm,OldKing,youtelllies.Youdon’tkeepyourpromise.(作气愤欲泣状)
K;Ohyes,Iplayitforyou.(作为难状)Butpleasebequite,I’.
P:Don’ttellsomuch!Ihavebeenanaltmanof7yearsold.Ipromiseittoyou.(作自豪自信状)
K：OK.(作舒心，安慰状)
P:Fighthim,killhim.Throwthesebadguysintothesea……(高声喊)
K:Xu……..(作禁声状).Rememberyourpromise,youngaltman.
P:Oh?Whatpromise?Ihaveforgottenit.(作天经地义状)
K:Oh?!Youareright(作理解状，因为Pirate一贯如此，出尔反尔)
P:OldKing.Igiveyouanhonorablemission.(作自豪状)Bemyhorse,andIwillrideonyourback,let’,justlikeabraveknight.(作勇敢状)
K:What!Rideonmyback!Beyourhorse!!(作惊异状)
P:Yes,yourhearingisverygood,anyquestion?(作若无其事状)
K:No,No,soundagoodidea!Verygood!YouareabravePirate.Nowcomeonmyback.(作无奈状)
P:(作高兴状，作跃上马背状)Hei!Let’sgo!Killallthosebadmen.Quick!Runquick!.......(意气风发状)
(M,F携手进场):搞笑小品剧本
P:Oh,mygod!Mummy,Daddy!(A,D作慌忙状，挡在电视机前)
M:Dad,whatareyoudoing!?NaughtyPirate,isn’tyourtrick!?(作气愤状)
P:(作阳痿状)Mummy,it’snotmyfault.Oldkingletmemassagehisback.HeiHei(作心虚状，以掩饰内心的恐惧)
M:Idon’tbelieveit.(作严肃状)Dad,isn’treallythat?(询问K)
K:Yes,ofcourse,Ican’timageachildonly5yearold,canmassagesogood.Oh…….(释然状，因为圆了我的谎)
M:Really.Idon’,whotaughthim.(作怀疑状)Dear,isn’tyou?
F:No,Ihaven’t,,Doyouthinkso,dear?
M:Yes,reallyagoodsuggestion.
(P，D作惊恐状。A：发抖，D：挥汗)
(P挡着电视怕被M、F发现，K也为P作掩饰)
P:Mummy,Doyoufeelalittlecold?
K:Yes,Icanfeelit.(边挥汗边说冷)
M:No,it’ssummer.Reallyhot,doyoucatchcold?
P:No,No,justmyfeeling.(更加发抖，一不小心被B看到了电视)
M:Pirate,what’sbehindyou?(疑问状)
P:Oh,nothing,nothing!(作惊恐状)
M:Moveaway.littlePirate!(作气愤状)
P:Ohno!Thestormwillcome.(捂脸作害怕状)
M:CaribbeanPirate!What’sabadfilm!LittlePirate!?(气愤状)
P:Mummy,Isurrender.(作投降状)
M:Daddy,thisfilmisunfitforhim,itisfullofkilling，forceandnegativepassion,anditwilllethimbecomebad!
K:Iknowthat,.Yes?Pirate?(想转移话题与Pirate站在同一战线)
P:Yes,averyclevermouseandastupidcat.(作博学状)
M:Dad,don’tlethimwatchsomuchTV,itwastesalotoftime,anditisbadforhiseyesight.Hemaybecomeshort-sighted.(诚恳状)
小品：“不差钱”
(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目)
Got the Money Anyway(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。)
(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)
Uncle Zhao Here we are. 赵本山：到了。
Yadar Here we are. 毛毛： 到了。
Uncle Zhao It's the most expensive restrant in Tieling:苏格兰 调情~~~
赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情(tiáo qíng)。 Yadar You got it wrong –苏格兰情调!!
毛毛： 爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调(qíng diào)。
Uncle Zhao 情调(qíng diào) All right, . We're gonna have our meal here anyway. 赵本山：啊，情调?就搁这儿吃。
Yadar But it's very expensive. 毛毛： 爷爷，这家老贵的啦。 Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag? 赵本山：贵?咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢?
Yadar What bag? 毛毛： 我没拿包啊。
Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.
赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。
Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed. 毛毛： 完了，让我落炕上了。
Uncle Zhao oh,what can I do? I do all this just for you ,how could you forget it! Any money left on you?
赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗?!这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗?
Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.
毛毛： 兜里，多少钱哪才?才70多块钱。
Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.
赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。
Yadar Still not enough. 毛毛： 这也不能够啊。
Uncle Zhao It’s ok. Waiter!
赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员!
⑵ 求一个搞笑的英语话剧剧本，最好有中英文对照。
是谁把10086服务小姐逼成这样的？？？？10086服务台小姐：先生晚上好，请问有什么可以帮你的吗？ 外轨：shouji没电了，自动关机了，请问现在几点了？ 10086服务台小姐：（晕）那先生您怎么给我打的。 外轨：我的shouji自动关机一样可以拨打dianhua，只是看不到时间。。 10086服务台小姐：（晕）先生现在是凌晨2点25分？请问还有什么可以帮你的吗？ 外轨：哦 ！这么晚了你怎么还不睡觉. 10086服务台小姐：（晕）对不起先生，这是我的工作，请问你还有什么事吗？ 外轨：没事就不可以打dianhua了吗？ 10086服务台小姐：对不起先生，我不是这个意思。 外轨：为什么给你们打dianhua是免费的？为什么给其他人打dianhua是收费的？ 10086服务台小姐：先生。。这是我们对顾客的一种高质量服务，我们本着顾客是上帝的宗旨，所以打我们客服dianhua是不需要收费的. 外轨：那上帝饿了.我把我家地址给你.你来我家给我做点吃的好不好.. 10086服务台小姐：先生对不起，我们没有这项服务。 外轨：你们对上帝的服务还挑三拣四吗？ 10086服务台小姐：先生对不起，我们只对客户提出的业务方面问题所做解答。请问现在还有什
么问题吗？ 外轨：我不是不讲理的人。这样你回答我3个问题，回答正确我就不纠缠你了。。 10086服务台小姐：（**）请您讲。 外轨：第一。万里长征一共走了多少里。 10086服务台小姐：2万5千里吧。 外轨：第二，参加人数多少人。 10086服务台小姐：8万6千人吧。 外轨：还懂点历史，最后一个问题，他们都叫什么名字？ 10086服务台小姐：................................................. 外轨：拒绝回答上帝的问题，我会投诉你的。 10086服务台小姐：对不起先生，我真的不知道。 外轨：这么简单的问题都回答不上来，你对工作的态度很不认真，而且还有抵触情绪。 10086服务台小姐：（哭）这。。这。。这个简单吗？这样吧先生。我也给你出3个问题，不知道有兴趣回答下吗？ 外轨：说来听听。 10086服务台小姐：2008年奥运会是在什么地方举行的！ 外轨：北京，下一个问题。 10086服务台小姐：那请问先生开幕式是几月几号？ 外轨：8月8号。如果下一个问题你敢问我开幕式时看台上所有人的姓名，我还会投诉你。 10086服务台小姐：（狂哭）先生把你的地址给我吧，我去给你做饭。。。。。。。。。 .////////
⑶ 跪求搞笑英语话剧剧本、一定要英文英文的啊
搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
king
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .
Birdsaredancinginthecold .
Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .
Windiscominginsilence.
Another mysteriousmanapproaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou !
Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.
X:Excuseme， whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
Y:ha ha ,Iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. I’mthemostfamous——-YeGucheng. Whoareyou?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?
X:Yes,whatiswrong?
Y:?
X:Great, youknowme !
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!
X:No, Imustkillyou !
Y:Idon””””””””twanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!
X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don””””””””t forceme!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
X:Sure, must! milkismilk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood! verygood! !?
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon””””””””tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可怜状: help! help! Whereisthewashroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The “WC”?
Y:Oh,I see ,!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!
H:Stop!!
Y:Whoareyou?
H:Hua—man—-lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,ha……
H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕：无间道
H:Mydearest ! letmeintroce yeguchengtoyou! （指Y） thisisyegucheng.
K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,Ido.
K: Huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子) thisringshouldbemine!
K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?
Y急切: king! dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)
K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ?
Y:How clever……
X冷酷:yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
Y抱X的腿:oldbrother ! Forgiveme!
X:Forgiveme? Why?
Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou“I love you”,Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!
X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“WC”!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC .I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.
K:Don’t saythat“you love me”. I’!
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)
K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’
haveavacation.
Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.
K:ofcouse.! Hahaha……
Y:Hahaha—–
H:Where’ssomewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
H顶着摇头：X,no, no， youcan’tgotoLady’s “WC”. ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!
X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !
K: youareright. . Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !
H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !
K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?
H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng——the wifeofX .I’maspy.
K惊讶: !you—you—YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?
Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (轻声说)Xwilldie ,goandseehim ,please .
H扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning !
K:what amoving story !I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume !
(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you——help me . I’ll never dothat again !(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:gohome ! ?
H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !
X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor… promise meyou will survive… that youwillnevergiveup… nomatter what happens… no matter howhopeless… promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.
H: I promise .
X:Never let go .
H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go ,
X.I””””ll never letgo.(X死)
H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance ! . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）
⑷ 英语话剧剧本 要搞笑的 急！！
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
king
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .
Birdsaredancinginthecold .
Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .
Windiscominginsilence.
Another mysteriousmanapproaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou !
Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.
X:Excuseme， whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
Y:ha ha ,Iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng. Whoareyou?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?
X:Yes,whatiswrong?
Y:?
X:Great, youknowme !
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!
X:No, Imustkillyou !
Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!
X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don''''''''''''''''t forceme!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
X:Sure, must! milkismilk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood! verygood! !?
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可怜状: help! help! Whereisthewashroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The “WC”?
Y:Oh,I see ,!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!
H:Stop!!
Y:Whoareyou?
H:Hua---man----lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,ha……
H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
⑸ 英语短话剧剧本5人 搞笑点的.
话剧《荆轲刺秦王》
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!这句话要跟观众交流,最好由观众来回答,然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊.”
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero,we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t rece my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧?难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起,荆轲先与阿三跳探戈,拥入怀中,又甩出去,阿三做呕吐状.然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴,最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型,向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿,荆轲做调戏状.）
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯,击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子,太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹,阿三下.停顿.《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起,荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型,忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过,向荆轲抛媚眼,并抛下定情手绢.荆轲高兴的盯着美女看,妻子发觉不对,扭过头来.）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你,选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留,执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时,Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像,所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词.）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪,
荆珂上船,渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号,阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
⑹ 急需英文搞笑、健康、简短话剧剧本！参赛用，一定要搞笑、谢谢！！！
1。野牧：你嚎吗？
天狼：你才嚎呢。
野牧：打错字了，我是说你好吗？
天狼：不坏。
野牧：哪人呀？
天狼：西北。
野牧：你那
里也很冷吧？
天狼：漫天飞雪，冷风如刀
野牧：你叫什么名字？
天狼：天狼
野牧：我是问真名。
天狼：QQ上有。
野牧：说出来好吗？
天狼：为什么要说？
野牧：说出来才好吗。
天狼：怎么好呢？
野牧：因为是我问的吗。
天狼：你问的就不能不说吗？
野牧：我不是坏人呀。
天狼：坏人贴标签了么？
野牧：没有啊。但我是好人呀。
天狼：请把好人证书传来。
野牧：没有啊。但你说才表示有诚意交朋友啊。
天狼：tianlang^_^
野牧：打汗字好吗？
天狼：我打字不出汗。
野牧：我是说打你的名字。
天狼：我的名字惹你了吗？
野牧：没有啊。
天狼：那干嘛打我的名字？
野牧：我是说打字。
天狼：哪个字惹你了？
野牧：唉，告诉我你的电话吧。
天狼：塑料的，红色。
野牧：不是，我是要你给我你的电话。
天狼：我的电话我家还要用呢，你想要自己买去。
野牧：不是，我是要你把电话说出来。
天狼：电话是说出来的吗？我还以为是工厂做出来的呢。
野牧：不是，我是要你的电话号。
天狼：在电话上嵌着呢，拿不下来啊。
野牧：我是问你的电话号是多少。
天狼：十二个，十个数字键，一个米字键，一个井字键。
野牧：我是问电话号是几。
天狼：从1到9，0在后边。
野牧：我崩溃了！
天狼：？你哪不舒服？
野牧：不是啊。
天狼：那怎么崩溃了？绝症吗？
野牧：问不到你的电话了啊。
天狼：那很重要吗？
野牧：电话是干什么的，不就是用来说话的吗？你要告诉别人,电话才有用啊。
天狼：电话是用来上网的。
野牧：电话还是用来聊天的啊。
天狼：是啊，我们不是一直在聊电话吗？
野牧：哪聊了？你这半天什么都没说啊。
天狼：我说了几十句话了
。
2。GG：你嚎
(嚎=好)
MM：你嚎，你在哪里伤亡？
(伤亡=上网)
GG：我在王八里上网，你呢？(王八=网吧)
MM：我也在王八里
GG：你是哪里人
MM：我是鬼洲人
(贵州人)
GG：哦，我是山洞人
(山东人)
MM：你似男似女？
（似=是)
GG：我当然是难生了，你肯定是驴人吧
(难=男,驴=女)
MM：是啊
GG：你霉不霉？
(美)
MM：还行吧，人家都说我是大霉女，你衰不衰？
(帅)
GG：还好啊，很多人都说我是大衰哥
MM：真的呀，咱们多怜惜好不好？
GG：好鸭，你的瘦鸡号码是多少？下次我不知道什么时候来聊天柿了
(柿=室)
MM：咱别用瘦鸡，瘦鸡聊天多贵啊，就用你球球（qq
）
GG：你真可爱，我很想奸你
(奸=见)
MM：慢慢来啊，虽然隔得远，蛋也有鸡会(
蛋=但,鸡=机)