搞笑英语小剧本
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor’.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
withyou..
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)
『贰』 求一个搞笑英语话剧剧本（6人）
您好：
校园搞笑版话剧剧本：
地点：学校教室
人物：老师、学生
1、学生
2 背景：教室，上课时，学生与老师的对话与问答
情节：
扮老师的人上：
今天我们来复习古诗词中的名言名名，
我准备采用老师提问的方式开始
今天的学习。由我提问学生们，我说出诗的上句，同学们回答出下一句，好不好。
学生异口同声：好！
老师：人生自古谁无死。
学生：人生自古谁无屎，有谁大便不用纸。
老师：
（生气的）是那个学生，说出这样的不道德的话啊，给我站起来！
学生：
（站起来）是我）
老师：
（很生气）你这样捣乱，这节课你给我站着上。我们必须完成这个任务，否则别
想过关。从来！
师：人生自古谁无死。
学生：人生自古谁无屎，有谁大便不用纸。若君不用卫生纸，除非你用大拇指。
老师：
（怒不可遏）谁啊，胡说八道啊！我再提问一句，你们来接下一句，如果回答正
确我就不惩罚你们。
（这时，老师看见窗外，想了下，想起冬天会下雪，就提问一句）
老师：上天下雪不下雨，雪到地上变成雨。变成雨时多麻烦，为何当初不下雨。
（小明站起来回答道)
小明：老师吃饭不吃屎，饭到肚里变成屎。变成屎时多麻烦，为何当初不吃屎。
(就这样老师当场就想惩罚小明！手发抖,脸还装着笑要羞怒小明.....)
老师：河水往哪里流啊？
小明：大河向东流啊！
老师：天上有多少颗星星阿？
小明：天上的星星参北斗阿！
老师：你给我滚出去！
小明：说走咱就走阿！
(老师很无奈.....)
老师：你有病吧？
小明：你有我有全都有阿！
老师：你再唱一句试试！
学生：路见不平一生吼阿！
老师：你信不信我要扁你？
学生：该出手时就出手阿！
(老师真的忍无可忍气的没有话说）
老师：我让你退学！
学生：风风火火闯九洲阿！ (哈哈.....
全班学生都轰动起来，老师走出了教室
生：风风火火闯九洲阿！ (哈哈......全班学生都轰动起来，老师走出了教室......）
希望以上信息可以帮到您，也欢迎登陆中票在线官网查询你喜欢明星的演出资讯：http://www.chinaticket.com ：－D
『叁』 搞笑英语话剧剧本
我们班刚演过 ，获得了系里一等奖(孔雀东南飞 英语搞笑剧本) 虽然人物多了一个，可以有群众演员嘛
焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)
刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)
刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)
强盗burglars(abandc)
prologue 序幕
(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my
wife is wusong.
译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。
(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
译：我才不怕你呢！
(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？
act1 第一幕
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so
lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all
daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken
and……
jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!
l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)
act2
(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)
l:mum, i’m back!
lm:you are back?why?what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on
marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. look at yourself……
l:but,mum……
lm:never interrupt me!
l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and
i’ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter
haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go
and tell him.(下)
l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅
铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)
act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!
(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now
she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?
j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice
girl,go and take her back!
j(立正敬礼):yes madam!
act4
(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
a:hey you!stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)
ab&c:give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!
c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulan next month.we can go and
rob the wedding!
a&b:good idea!
j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!
j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go
with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b:have you got any experience?
j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)
act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(j和三强盗跃至台中)
abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!
a:the road is built by me!
b:and i planted one tree.
c:if you want to go by this street---
j:give us all your money!
(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)
(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)
j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)
(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?
l(哭状):i hurt a lot!
j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)
『肆』 英语幽默小剧本
1.
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. 在很久很久以前，有个疯狂的国度住着一群疯狂的人，用疯狂的方式给人们讲述着疯狂的故事。o(∩_∩)o...哈哈Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth. 闻名遐迩的刀客，荆轲先生，被委以刺杀秦始皇嬴政的任务。但最终还是失败鸟。你想知道当时的情形如何吗？好，下面的我们将给你呈现当时真实的一幕。Action I 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：魔镜魔镜告诉我，天下男人谁最美？ (画外音：是你是你太子丹 太子丹高兴状) 非常感谢，我的魔镜 （面对观众） 我是太子丹，魔镜告诉我说我是天下最美的男人 但是嬴政老小子嫉妒于我，倘若给他从魔镜那儿得知了真相，必要追杀于我 。太可怕了，我该咋办啦？ (向幕里大叫) 我的小弟们呢，哪儿去了？ 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming 亲耐滴老大，我来也。太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!我怎么告诉你的，以后见到我要喊“我最最漂亮，潇洒，帅气，和蔼，可爱，机灵和尊敬的太子丹殿下”，你又忘了！阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）了解，亲耐滴！我有个好主意。我们找个大英雄去刺杀嬴政。太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?妙计！那么谁是最佳人选捏？阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.眼下我有俩在册人手，一个名曰李莫愁，另一个便是荆轲。明天他们讲通过PK来角逐最佳杀手称号！太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?那行，动作要快，ok？阿三：Yes.着！
2.
the story of snow white
narrator: it is a cold winter day. a baby! her name is snow white. she is very beautiful. everybody loves her. the animals love her, too. the queen loves her. but the queen dies. a new queen comes. she is beautiful, but bad. she has a magic mirror.
第一幕：白雪公主出场，在花园唱歌跳舞，十分快乐，然后离场
第二幕：皇后和猎人的对话
children: snow white is beautiful.
queen: no，i am beautiful.
this is a magic mirror.
queen: mirror, mirror, who is the most beautiful in the world?
mirror: not you. snow white is the most beautiful girl in the world!.
queen: no! no! no! i will kill snow white so that i will be the most beautiful! ha ha…. hunter! hunter! come to meet me!
hunter: yes? my dear queen!
queen: get snow white out of my sight. bring her to the forest and kill her! then give me her heart. remember to put her heart in the box.
hunter: yes.
第三幕：猎人杀白雪公主
snow white: help me! help me! please! please! don’t kill me! dear, hunter, let me live!
hunter: oh, i’m so sorry, the queen asked me to kill you, because you are more beautiful than she. all right. go, snow white! run to the deep forest to find a place to hide you! never come home again.
第四幕：森林小木屋
narrator: snow white runs and runs. she runs over sharp stones, just before nightfall, she sees a little house and goes in. she goes inside. what dose she see?
snow white: what little plates, knives, forks and spoons! what a dirty house！i will wash the dishes and the clothes.（边做家务边唱歌）
narrator: after doing the housework, snow white goes upstairs.
snow white: what seven little beds! they may be seven children’s beds. oh, i feel so tired. i’d like to have a sleep.
narrator: it is very dark; the owners of the little house come back. they are seven dwarfs who go off the mountains everyday with their picks and shovels, to mine silver.
（小矮人登场，排队扛锄头唱歌回家）
『伍』 求一个搞笑的英语小剧本
1.Today, I want to tell you a joke, the three countries onto ghosts, the Chinese, French, British, gather together,they are squandering their respective countries to see whose spending even more strongly that the French people to put only rats drank whiskey irrigation, drinking,No go rat holes that rats on the dizzy, the British Brandy also filling the rats, the rats drank just afterHalo quickly on the Chinese people to the country's irrigation Erguotou mice, rats drilling holes.While Britain and France onto China onto the ghosts of ghosts laugh when I saw the rats out from the pit, holding a stick, shouting, cats,You give up.
2.Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor's.
"What's the matter with you",asked the doctor.
"I have been broken all!",said the fool .
"Broken all,what's it mean?",the doctor was surprised.
Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"……
The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger"
从前，有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生很疑惑。接着，那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛，我的头伤了。”接着，有指着背，鼻子，说它们都伤了。
那医生想了一会儿，说：“你的手指伤了。”
3.A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
4.Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司
『陆』 求一个幽默的英语小剧本。（可以编成剧本的素材也可以）
看到一篇个人觉得这个还不错，和楼主分享一下：谁偷了我的袜子？
T:how nice to see the the light of the early morning sun .(waking up)
Oke, it’s time to get up .
I washed my face , brushed my teeth , and then got dressed .
My pants, my coat, my socks....
T :oh! Where’e is the another one ?!(puzzled)
All the rest of my socks have been washed and are too wet to be put on now !
It is so cold today, i have to find my sock !
It’s lucky for me to have two hours available to devoting myself finding my sock.
I searched my bed(it isn’t hidden in my quilt),
I sought in my wardrobe [ˈwɔrˌdrob]衣柜（is it here ?）,
I looked for my sock almost everywhere (crazily)(uho, dear fellow . Where are you ? Your partner is missing you~~)(saying softly, putting up another one sock)
T：where on earth is my sock ?!(holding a magnifying-glass)
Sight swift as T’s view from now on.
L:hey, Timmy. What are you doing here ? Are you finding something ?
T:yeah, I can’t find my sock.Could you do me a favor,L.(sadly, putting up another one sock and still searching)
L:Oke, let me help you .
Scene goes black for 2 seconds
L:I’m so sorry Timmy .I can not help you out ... But it’s time to have our English class,now .Or we’ll be late.(both stand still ,not finding)
T:you are right. Let’s go. (disappointed)
Scene goes black for 2 seconds
*************Comedy *************
Scene changed to the classroom
A teacher is playing a English listening holding an English book.
a short passage with several blanks on the blackboard.
A few seconds of English listening
A:Timmy, please fill the blank you have heard .
The sight rise upward.
T:.... Sock, S-O-C-K .
A:Sock ? Stand up and tell me what you were doing !?
(Teacher threw the book on the desk angrily)
*************Comedy *************
Scene goes black for 2 seconds
Scene changed to the canteen食堂
A staff is going to serve food for Timmy.
B: Which kind of food do you want ,girl ?
T: my sock... I want to get my sock ... (depressed)
The staff widened her eyes
B: un---! Are you kidding ?! (amazedly)
*************Comedy *************
Scene changed to the path to the dormitory
Take a close-up shot of the dormitory
Sight parallel forward and then slope upward the dormitory slowly
And then turn to L
L：Today is about to be over . Weekend is coming ~(gladly)
T: But I still have not find my sock yet .(be about to cry)
Sight go ahead quickly than the speed of L
L: Wait , there is something in your cap of your coat. I can see a part of it. It’s purple and blue and white. Let me take it down for you .
T: purple and blue and ... Oh!
Sight turn back to L’s hand with holding the sock
T: Woops...
sight face to T
How can I left my sock in the coat and it has been lying in my cap for a day !!!
『柒』 既短又幽默的英语剧本
Big words of western tour （大话西游）
Chapter 1
Site：The wedding
Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖
Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.
牛：Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha …….
妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?
牛：Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!
(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)
http://www.sousolu.com
牛：Let me introce my brother to you! My bro!
Come here! This is my brother.
(牛深情地转向紫霞)
牛：Zixia, listen to me. I think I ‘ve fallen in love with you once I know you. I want to show my sincerity. So I request you to marry me in front of my bros. This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you. I hope you would say yes.
妖：I object!
牛：What?
妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover. If you can pass it, I will shout up!
至：What’s this? Really?
妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.
(剑从至的怀中落下)
妖：Magic Sword?
牛：Let me do this!
(紫跑出，拾剑)
紫：It’s not true! It’s just a joke. It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!
(紫跑下)
妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.
牛：Aaa……
(牛惊慌地跑下)
Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……
Chapter 2
Site: Bull King’s back garden
Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞
（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）
至：Why are you hiding here?
(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)
至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think. But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly. Because I’ve decided to tell lies, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!
紫：I’ll kill you if you come closer!
至：You should kill me! Kill me! I’d found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. I left regretful after that. It’s the ultimate pain in the world. Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate! If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words. “I love you”. If God wants to give a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!
（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）
紫：What can you tell your wife?
至：I have to tell her the truth. So I must get the Pandora’s Box back. Then go back with you and explain everything. But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back. I ……
紫：I help you!
至：No, it’s dangerous!
紫：You don’t want to?
至：I do! But ……
紫：I trust you! I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight. Wait for me here at midnight.
(猪喊)
至：Let me do something to my boss first. See you tonight.
（依依不舍）
Aside: The night ……
Chapter 3
Site: Dungeon
Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧
猪和沙：Master, master
(两人同时悄声说)
猪：We come to save you.
沙：We come to bring you out.
唐：I won’t go.
猪和沙：Stay here? Why?
唐：There’re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures. This is because we’re not united enough. So we let the devils do bad to us. That’s fine. This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me; the outside world is just a bigger prison. You go out first. I have something to tell him.
(猪和沙下)
唐：You come in and have a sit!
至：To be honest, I’m not your disciple. I don’t want to be your disciple. Master I know you’re a good guy. Please let me go!
唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong ……”?
至：What is “dong, dong, dong”?
唐：“dong, dong, dong ……” is ……
(唐唱Only you)
至：Stop. Stop. I can’t take this anymore, please stop ……
唐：Ohoh ……
至：Damn you, you … I’ve said I can’t take this anymore. Don’t disturb or I’ll kill you.
唐： Monkey King, you can kill me. Life and death are very minor. When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me. Namonitabhaya …
(至跑走)
Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King, and he reaches the Spiders’ Cave with the Grapes. Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.
The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who’s cut open won’t die at once. He can still see. So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.
After the Monkey King’s death, he appears in the Hole of Waterfall …
Chapter 4
Site: The Hole of Waterfall
Characters: 至尊宝、观音
至：Goddess. I’m about to understand your words. I used my eyes to see in the past. What I was dying. I started using my heart to see this world. Then I could see all things clearly. That girl …has left a drop of tear in my heart. I felt her sorrow.
观：Have you given up all things in human world?
至：Yes! Life and death is just minor! …… But I don’t understand why can human’s hatred last 10 years, 50 years, and even 500 years. What hatred is it?
观：So that Tang Monk went to the west and got scriptures, which clean out hearts.
至：OK, I want to stay here, there are many things waiting for me to do.
观：I want to warn you again. After wearing the gold ring, you’re no longer a normal human. You can’t have human desires anymore. If you do so, the gold ring will get smaller and smaller. It’s very uncomfortable.
至：OK.
观：Before wearing the ring, what do you want to say?
至：I had had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”! If there is a time limit, I hope, it is 10 thousand years!
『捌』 比较搞笑的英语剧本，原创
是谁把服务小姐逼成这样的？？？？100服务台小姐：先生晚上好，请问有什么可以帮你的吗？ 外轨：shouji没电了，自动关机了，请问现在几点了？ 100服务台小姐：（晕）那先生您怎么给我打的 外轨：我的shouji自动关机一样可以拨打dianhua，只是看不到时间 100服务台小姐：（晕）先生现在是凌晨点分？请问还有什么可以帮你的吗？ 外轨：哦 ！这么晚了你怎么还不睡觉. 100服务台小姐：（晕）对不起先生，这是我的工作，请问你还有什么事吗？ 外轨：没事就不可以打dianhua了吗？ 100服务台小姐：对不起先生，我不是这个意思 外轨：为什么给你们打dianhua是的？为什么给其他人打dianhua是收的？ 100服务台小姐：先生。这是我们对顾客的一种高质量服务，我们本着顾客是上帝的宗旨，所以打我们客服dianhua是不需要收的. 外轨：那上帝饿了.我把我家地址给你.你来我家给我做点吃的好不好.. 100服务台小姐：先生对不起，我们没有这项服务 外轨：你们对上帝的服务还挑三拣四吗？ 100服务台小姐：先生对不起，我们只对客户提出的业务方面问题所做解答。请问现在还有什么问题吗？ 外轨：我不是不讲理的人。这样你回答我个问题，回答正确我就不纠缠你了 100服务台小姐：（**）请您讲 外轨：第一。万里长征一共走了多少里 100服务台小姐：万千里吧 外轨：第二，参加人数多少人 100服务台小姐：万千人吧 外轨：还懂点历史，最后一个问题，他们都叫什么名字？ 100服务台小姐：................................................. 外轨：拒绝回答上帝的问题，我会投诉你的 100服务台小姐：对不起先生，我真的不知道 外轨：这么简单的问题都回答不上来，你对工作的态度很不认真，而且还有抵触情绪 100服务台小姐：（哭）这。这。这个简单吗？这样吧先生。喔 对了 我目前上的ABC天卞英语的老师才和我提过，其实要掌握好英语是不难的！坚持需要个恰当的学习情境跟闇练口语对象，最关键就是外教水平 口语纯正才可以 持续每天口语沟通 1对1家教式教学就有很.好.的学习效果！上完课同样要复习听取课程录音音频，帮助加强记忆；如果真的无对象可练习的环境 只能到 VOA或BBC获得课外学习资料研习 多说、多练、多问、多听、多读，迅速的语感就培养起来 学习成长应该可以迅速明显的；我也给你出个问题，不知道有兴趣回答下吗？ 外轨：说来听听 100服务台小姐：00年奥运会是在什么地方举行的！ 外轨：北京，下一个问题 100服务台小姐：那请问先生开幕式是几月几号？ 外轨：月号。如果下一个问题你敢问我开幕式时看台上所有人的姓名，我还会投诉你 100服务台小姐：（狂哭）先生把你的地址给我吧，我去给你做饭。。。。 .
『玖』 有没有搞笑，短小，大概5分钟的英语剧本啊
搞笑版白雪公主
Aside: You can't see your hand in front of you in one at night, pitch-dark forest have one one black little girl running alarmed of clothing. (princess appears on the stage , the black clothing runs and encloses ) she is in rags, the complexion is wan and sallow , turn one's head and look around frequently, but not dare to stay under the foot. All of a sudden, she finds there is a small house in the front, she who is drained can not support again, have fallen to quickly. (The princess falls down, stick up the buttocks and get up. Push away on the door and has not opened for a long time; Pull, open. )
Princess: Food! The bread wants too! The apple wants too! My kao, the dish leaf is not missed either! ! (princess sits on the chair taking, type the belch) aside: After eating and drink, she has felt very tired, wants to have a rest, fall asleep soon …… Aside: ……Whether soon, owner of house come back, they whether seven is it quarry little short people of gold to open a mine in mountain. (Little short people are the basketball team team clothes, have, newspaper fruit name, is it sing (fruit fruit to dance ~~))
Snow: Turn towards and rotate left! (everybody transfers to at will) count off! (everybody's moustache newspaper) really can do nothing about you ……Turn right. Snow: (kick the door, see the princess calls) dragen! (shake hands, rub into) snow: dragen! Hit ! (play everybody,snow in before make not pushing away by the movements and callisthenics movement hand,at the same time last " Chinese Gonfu " aside) princess: Don't hit my face , don't hit my face ~~Peng Peng: Oh, the beauty ~~Snow: Stop! (jump one step after everybody, the princess gets up, look at everybody) insult: (whether gather up light rain, big Historical Records profit Gong b), this can be regarded as the beauty too ……BEACH: WHERE ARE YOU FROM? Princess: Everybody is good, my name is the snow white, 5 years old this year, go to the kindergarten , has not got married yet. The thing is actually like this ……
(On the mirror , bow, draw the things, draw for quite a while , draw out the newspaper, launch, write " the evil spirit mirror " on the newspaper, shut the newspaper, regain ) (the imperial mother goes to, beautiful kitchen apron, rub the mirror) the imperial mother: Mirror! Mirror! Tell me truth, who is the most beautiful woman here? Mirror: (Sing: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL ~~YOU ARE SO HANDSOME ~~)Imperial mother, you are really a very beautiful woman . Imperial mother: Generally generally (put up both hands) Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha! I am the most beautiful woman in the world! ! ! Mirror : But, (say retreat), even beautiful than you snow white. Imperial mother: (go frantic kind) ……(ponder) (point loudly) waiter! Brick: (Sunglasses, hold the toothpick in the mouth, getting vacillating and staggering, rub imperial mother) rub not rubing by imperial mother: (push away) ……Has not your girl brushed teeth ? Brick: I KAO, these you can see even? ? Imperial mother: Tell you pieces of decent thing , have piece what snow white does it call , you help me to become him!
Brick: Please say, how much is it? Imperial mother: 2 million, how about it? Brick: (spit toothpicks) 2 million? Must do, brothers, I carry a usual mind, don't root signature pen,go over great river of I north and south, it drink not hot very popular one all the same. 2 million is not all right. Imperial mother: Do you have small honey? Do you have little and honeyed? (say edge step), find you such as the pieces of Zhao Benshan, how about it? Brick: (think a little) make a deal! Imperial mother: (embrace in a low voice) but must click agilely clean under you! Brick: Receive! No pa! Imperial mother: Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha! (end) (whether brick is it is it is it put the things of garment to down to squat to turn round)
Princess: Now, we please proce the specially invited guest of today - -Handsome and graceful, cajaput face wind, it is called little killer adobe of flying dragon the jade, the bracket, board brick, the bracket finishes, comrade. Brick: Whether (whether is it turn round to jump, cook salted ck egg superman must abate form, laugh foolishly), princess. Is it see night in toe to stretch out one's hand in one, (whether sound mention), he , he , he of he , ……he catch left hand of me, (whether brick pay special attention to princess' left hand), then, he, he he ……He catch right hand of me, (whether 180 of song-and-dance et, brick pay special attention to princess' right hand), then, he, ……(whether tone calm), he and I dance a dance. From then on, in the American man who I fell into him counted . One day, he said he wanted to take me to Yuyuan Pond to watch the oriental cherry, (two people wave the revolutionary posture ) unexpected, his face changes , from drawing in one's arms, (the brick draws out the small thing), draw, (the brick draws out the small thing again), draw out a knife! (whether brick draw out one hundred sheets (comb ), comb one's hair), (whether brick take knife live in princess definitely , the princess makes girl student's form while retreating )
Princess: Others are girl students that should not need ~~Brick: (Bow, sigh, suddenly came out boldly, hand wisps of hair, POSE ) fault , fault, the fault, as before, people are empty and thin in spring, the tear stains moves Jiao Shao completely red; (Sing: I always have too soft heart, (everybody: The heart is too soft) (change into Beijing opera and adjust): Take on all questions! )(dialogue snow princess say:) Please walk, I do not kill you ! Whether (whether two people countenance suddenly, face the audience side by side), princess. Whether express gratitude to water yuans of brick forever , reporter of the front ,. Cui JunYi two people: Report sent back from Baghdad. Brick: Right to rotate, in step to move! (two people are abcted down suitably )
Aside: This that the snow white's remembrance has got, the story has got back to the scene begun again. At this moment, seven little short persons discuss whether to leave the snow white or not. (little short people enclose one circle , read the tongue twister (grape ……),Want not listening to snow white everybody it determine what everybody push away) (stand up everybody. Whether snow clap hands, go back body wash the audience), snow. Do so! There is difficulty to be helped, have no problem, it is difficult to make but helped too ~~~~Aside: In this way, seven little short persons go to the mountain to look for the gold and silver every day, the snow white stays and does some housework at home. (Little short people steal the form of the things , withdraw from the arena ; The snow withdraws from the arena from another side)
Aside: After the servant goes back to report on completion of a task, the queen thought the snow white had already died. By now, she will certainly whole world most beautiful woman(imperial mother draw mirror, the white cross by the mirror glasses) imperial mother: (rub the mirror) the mirror! Mirror! Tell me truth, who is the most beautiful of all women here. Mirror : You are still very beautiful, however, but (wave, retreat , escape ) more beautiful even than you snow white. Imperial mother: This servant is very of no use, return so that I touch it in person. (whether imperial mother lay, at the princess, eat), (pay by imperial mother, whether bring umbrella, walnut load pocket in front of apron with) princess. Have taken the small umbrella? Imperial mother: Take, give. (pass the umbrella) the princess: Really bring, (see the umbrella) good, kindness , right, give (return ) to the imperial mother: Why not take . Princess: (whether shrug, owe), rain ~~~Imperial mother: Then, do you want the walnut? Princess: Do you have carrot? Imperial mother: Do you want the walnut?
Princess: Do you have carrot? Imperial mother: (loudly) what I asked is: You want the walnut! ! Princess: Oh, the walnut ……Do you have carrot? (The imperial mother shouts, knock down the princess on the chair with the umbrella, draw out walnuts, want to feed) the princess: (open eyes, decent form ) this walnut is poisonous (close one's eyes , fall , the walnut that the imperial mother fed) (imperial mother laughs) Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha! (Hold up an umbrella, sing: You are happy ~~Oh, I am happy ~~,Make ) aside: Just as the meteor has rowed at midnight in the death of the snow white, whenever I look up at the lonely starry sky many years later, always remember a word like this: "Somebody's death is weightier than Mount Tai, but the death of person having it is entirely of no significance , entirely of no significance ……"
(The little short person has, line up, unless it enter door, it see princess form of,enclose semicircle of) man: (carry the princess) hey, the pig, don't sleep , work quickly ! Whether (whether see its reactionless , good to try on breath its, make idiot form), good. She has died ……Study: (whether feel their, do terrified form, think Peng Peng), she die! (Everybody repeats sequentially: "She has died! "Having insulted and finished saying, everybody covers one's face and weep, draw and sell the paper from the pocket at the same time , throw away while tearing) aside: At this moment, the prince of the neighbouring country just comes here to go hunting. (At the prince, sheet act as cape, make little plane form, unless two circle been run, it go to by it insult,ask) prince: Who is this ~~Good: We and she do not imprison ……BEACH: (cover the good mouth, receive) we and he do not matter! Everybody: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Peng Peng: In fact, she is a beauty! (everybody flashes, the prince winds princesses to watch, suspend) the prince: My KAO, this beauty too! (flat princess, the princess spits walnuts, wake up) the princess: (shout), you who he mother fight me, who! Someone! (whether see prince, prince later , flash), you! (Dash to the prince, everybody draws, the princess gets rid of everybody, throw away, go out, stop, turn round ) KAO, how draw I you! (turn round and see princes, the prince turns round) the princess: (girl student's form ) handsome boy ~~Whether (whether prince change), princess. (to the audience, ripe man's sound) beautiful! Very beautiful!
Aside: The snow white has fallen in love with the prince. (whether princess gather up prince, take platform to it, little short people stand first row behind them), they are going to marry, but at wedding, later on king. (imperial mother has, spirit's haunt and plague form ) the prince: Especially dress up? Princess: Do not have! (little short people overstate the form ) (BEACH sees imperial mother) BEACH: (refer to the imperial mother) look, is not that a big aunt who sells the walnut! (little short people move the imperial mother to the chair, enclose the semicircle) imperial mother: Do! Do! Snow: (bend over to the imperial mother) tell you that sees the thing! Imperial mother (? )Little short people (one for each person, say one and a half): Zhang Guorong has died, the peak has died too, how did Zhang Guorong die? The one that get the SARS and die. He lacks the iodine , it causes the kidney function to be depleted to lack the iodine, water flows to the lower, flow to the ankle, the ankle is swollen. How did that peak die? The peak lacks irons. That is because Li Tie has gone to Britain, do not have Chen Gang? The steel is harder than the iron, cross and is inferior to particularly. What oil is crossed? Underground drainage oil, the underground drainage oil is the oil that is smelted out from the underground drainage. U.S.A. hits Iraq only for the underground drainage oil! The film of U.S.A. is specially interesting! Let's go to see the American film next week, then let's watch China ! We watch Farewell My Concubine ( ) ....How about it? Farewell My Concubine was played the role of by Zhang Guorong, Zhang Guorong died ……
(The imperial mother shouts, stamp the ground, protruding, everybody scatter,the whole audience quiet) imperial mother: (revolutionary form ) I am Xiao Ming! (change the direction) I want to go to school! (Sing: Small and two little my darling ~~~(put and put crazily)) everybody: Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha! (Everybody in behind one row will be stood , continue snow heartily,see everybody not parked, whether uneasy form, bow, stand by everybody), aside. The queen is crazy , after the snow white marries prince, happy life is full of happiness and happiness, they are together happily all one's life. This that our modern drama arrived, thank everybody for everybody's concerns , me, it is the aside. )
Everybody appears on the stage , bow, answer a curtain call.