荆轲刺秦王英语剧本
① 英文话剧《荆轲刺秦王》的中文翻译
用金山辞霸
荆轲刺秦王吧 我们刚演过 效果很好
荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：
Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众）
I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~
（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?
荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don\'t need any reason to win a person. Don\'t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: \"Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you\'re gonna get.\" I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t rece my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
The End
③ 荆轲刺秦王英语剧就是网上那荆轲刺秦王英语话剧的配乐！是音乐！谁有。急用。要全的。
英雄的黎明 不错，推荐。我们话剧就用的那个音乐！
④ 要快！英文翻译 谁能帮忙翻译通俗的话剧剧本 荆轲刺秦王 很短的!
侍卫：报~~~~~燕国使臣荆轲，秦武阳觐见~~~~~ Bodyguard: newspaper teeth to bite Yan envoy Jing Ke, Qin Wuyang to see teeth to bite 秦：这些都是生活必需品，我大老远从家来，离开了他们，生活上就会遇到麻烦，最近咸阳物价又涨，买这么多东西就花了我不少银子，我哪 还有钱买票看兵马俑啊！ Qin: These are the necessities of life, I came all the way from home, leave them, life would be in trouble, most recently Xianyang prices rose again, to buy so many things I spent a lot of money, which I had tickets to see Terracotta Army! 荆：少罗嗦！正事要紧！ Jing : bitch! Business before pleasure! 秦：不许碰，这是燕太子丹献给大王的地图，我们要呈给大王的，快把你的脏手拿开，讨厌！ Qin: don't touch, it is YAN Dan prince gives king map, we want to present to the king, get your filthy hands off me, hate! 荆：这孩子就是没见过什么世面，昨天还吵着嚷着要见大王的，怎么今天见到又不好意思了 。 Jing: the child is not seen much of the world, yesterday was also noisy shouting to the king, how today see and feel shy. 秦：我听说那秦王是继F4之后的又一少女杀手F5，今日一见，真是比青蛙还恐龙，比恐龙还青蛙啊，见到帅哥难免手软，见谅，见谅。 Qin: I heard that the king of Qin is afterwards F4after another girl killer F5, when I saw him today, really than frog also dinosaur, dinosaur also than frog ah, see a handsome boy is soft, forgive me, forgive me. 秦对荆轲:"情况不妙,我先跑了,兄弟好好干." Qin on Jing Ke:" the worst comes to the worst, I run, brother to do a good job" 荆轲:"喂,你这家伙. 转身对秦王:不好意思,这小孩回家看动画片了. Jing Ke:" Hey, you guys. Turn to the king: feel shy, the child home watching cartoons. 秦王：阿丹不是发短信说你直升飞机，5分钟就到吗？你怎么玩了三个月？ Qin: Adan is not a text message saying that your helicopter,5minutes arrive? How do you play three months? 荆轲：您认为现在还有人会开直升飞机吗？ Jing Ke: you think it will also open the helicopter? 秦王：哦，原来如此！那我就问你一个问题好了 ！ Qin: Oh, so that is what it is! I asked you a question! 荆轲：说！ 秦王：如果你和狗熊赛跑，你希望谁跑得快？ 荆轲：我！ Jing Ke said! Qin: if you and the coward race, you want someone who runs faster? Jing Ke: i! 秦王：狗熊，禽兽呼！没想到你比禽兽还要禽兽！ Qin: bears, beast called! I didn't think you than the animals and animals! 侍卫：不过大王慈悲,你还有一次从新选择的机会！ Bodyguard: but king compassion, you have a new choice! 荆轲：狗熊！ Jing Ke: bear! 秦王：没想到你连禽兽都不如！ Qin : I didn't think you worse than animals! 秦王：不过看你这么可怜，最后再给你一次机会！ 荆轲：一样快! King: but you look so miserable, finally to give you a second chance! Jing Ke: as fast as! 秦王：没想到你和禽兽一个样！ Qin : I didn't think you and a kind of animals! 荆轲：你，你，你…… Jing Ke: you, you, you ... ... 秦王：你什么呀你，你你个头呀你！ King: you what you, your head ah you! 王：你一个人把东西呈上来 荆：大王请看，此十五城皆是燕国繁华之地，为能使百姓免于战乱，太子愿以此表臣服之心王：燕王似乎在责怪寡人挑起战乱？ King: you put something was up Jing: King please see, the fifteen cities are Yan flourishing ground, to enable people from war, Prince would like to watch surrender heart: Yan King seems to blame I provoke a war? 荆：恕臣愚见，若无战事，天下太平，亲人可以团聚，有情人可以成眷属，化戾气为祥和，岂不美哉？ Jing : forgive his opinion, if there is no war, peace reigns over the land., family can reunite, the lovers can be together, turn hostility into harmony, not beautiful? 王：寡人正是此意，若万民一心，再无异端，则太平盛世不远，大丈夫一生只求统一天下，又何必太拘小节？ Wang: what is the intention, if all nations, no heresy is a time of national peace and order, not far from her life, but unified the world, why should it be too squeamish? 荆：这么说大王不愿停战了？ Jing: King to say truce? 王：你既知我心，又何必多问？ King: you know my heart, why ask? 荆：说:"那我就在这里送你上西天吧。 Jing: said:" I'm here send you to your grave. 侍卫:大王小心！ Bodyguard: King watch! 秦王：哈哈哈…… Qin: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... ... 荆轲：风萧萧兮易水寒，壮士已去兮不复还…… Jing Ke: the wind blows strongly the Yi River is so cold, he has been to Xi never return ... ... 画外音：次日，燕国太子丹得到了荆轲被杀的消息…… Narrator: the next day, YAN Dan prince had Jing Ke been killed ... ... 画卷立起. Scroll stand.
⑤ 急需荆轲刺秦王英语搞笑话剧剧本！！！！！
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t rece my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
The End
⑥ 荆轲刺秦王小品剧本,谁有
里面还有荆轲在大学考刺客学位的，有72个女朋友的！
⑦ 荆轲刺秦王英文版话剧，不要搞笑版的，完全按照历史翻译的
( the day just broke, Jing Ke carry enormous volume map onto the throne room, reporters, journalists, reporters Yang Qin dance with him, all the officials held wat stood, Robocop arranged along both sides, he hit a big yawn, Zhao Gao issues an order: take it. ----! )
Reporter: what the fuck Qin? Early in the morning to get up, I haven't brushing teeth!
The reporter Dance : according to my experience, we are going to kill. Gone for so many days, although when please we drank the tea?
The reporter Yang: get the money! Last night losing, you said this morning.
Reporter: Qin have no way, you see this hall, a bubble machine are not, how to rinse the card?
Reporter: dance since unable to pay, we have to continue to play cards. Handicap has been opened out, I bet bet at the footwall, takes into!
Reporter: don't worry, open Yang thorn before makers will certainly adjustment, want to win? Ask Jing Ke himself well, anyway, Sohu people inside live, we played cards first, later making draft change became.
( Jing Ke went to the front of the hall, suddenly found not the journalist immediately behind, bottom with three points, angrily ran back. )
Jing Ke: three lack one didn't even call me, no loyalty!
Zhao Gao: dear friends good morning everyone! Welcome to the world, we now King is a unified China, $six for a super utilities, referred to as the super! Rich with the help of a money, do not have the money for a crematorium. Well, the unknown is who? Immortal? A monster? Thank you.
Jing Ke: in Jing Ke, especially from the Yan Ran to his.
Zhao Gao: I didn't ask you not to answer, the following people!
Jing Ke: that's my three assistants, they are fighting against a landlord.
Zhao Gao: I didn't ask you not to answer, the landlord of the man next!
The audience a: I was a fan of Jing Ke's, said Qin today finally with Assassin's dialogue, on behalf of the majority of fans came here specially for the warriors stand cheer. This is our slogan, Luke!
( audience a show a few lines of the Yan army shirt, a black word: strongly supported Jing Ke qin!!! The cruel immediately after class!!! )
Jing Ke: do not worry do not worry, take it easy, everyone has a share. The brothers, please put the guy now! Two steps to two steps!
( audience B, C, D audience audience with " rebellious rational, Qin innocence " banner on stage )
The a second third Ding (singing ): I live in, two loop inside, no trick anyone, nor did anyone ... ...
Jing Ke: you laugh at me! These are our village that feel today, please come out, no other meaning, it is necessary for the Jing Ke when the idler, breathe out, he really is too much! Each of you mean 100 million people, is 4000000!
( reporter Qin Wuyang rushed, respectively holding camera, camera, sound recording pen a thrashing. )
Zhao Gao: according to the last census data shows, our country only 1300000 people.
Jing Ke ( banged on the head of Zhao Gao ): I didn't ask you not to answer, Duojiwan how diligent students, parents, sooner or later!
The throne room ( on both sides of the wall has been filled with the slogan: " you take one, I took a casual, war must be approved. " " God has given everyone arbitrary power " about " the penalty of fine, dissipate one's fortune " " one red card, the " glorious " kick, " mining ", blowing to strike hard " )
Jing Ke: Qin Wuyang, this house is very strange! I have a sinking feeling.
Reporter Qin Wuyang: nonsense! His heel think you will understand, this is the king of Qin. "!
Jing Ke: I Kao! I. YOU!
( Gao, Qin in a daze, Zhao Gao in the book, although the run. )
Zhao Gao: King watch! Yan assassin has been holding a dagger that came before it!!
Qin : diarrhea! Do not take the dagger which is also called the assassin? Meanwhile, in addition to assassinate you are good at?
Jing Ke: back to the king, dance!
Qin: come here, we jump on the song, to consensus, the friendship with Jing Ke long, like the water ring one or two day and night, singing!
Reporter Qin Wuyang ( booing ) : don't jump! We all went to Xianyang specially to see Jing Ke, how can the Qin king!
Jing Ke : diarrhea! Dagger see Fig poor ability, now he don't want to see the map, what can I do.
( the crown prince hand-held green dragon crescent moon clippers, singing " silent night Overture ", and channeling blood. )
The audience a: I KAO! Come see the immortals fighting!
The crown prince ( hold the ): I just to interfere, we don't make a fuss! Meanwhile, also not quickly begin?
Audience B: partial frame! The crown prince what motivates you? Revolution is to qualify the oh!
Jing Ke: map is too long, the dagger clamp tight, not pulling out.
Audience C: do not want to stab don't stabbed, personality problems, pack what to pack!
Zhao Gao: Jing ke! He has to meet you face, anyhow you is also a member of the standing committee!
D: in front of the audience please step aside a little, careful spattered with blood!
Robocop: Jing Ke, killing? Kill kill? Kill kill?
( the crown prince picked up Jing Ke threw down the atlas, the scene audience spread, written on a line above the headline " the emperor turns to do next to my house ." )
The crown prince : the mother takes me white revolution is not thorough, the gun to him aside, look at me! There are 13 files, pressure was also killed him!
Qin: Jing Ke Qin, bad is good! The crown prince 's attitude is positive.
Robocop: King watch! His hand is not a map, is a dagger!
Qin: play with my file, spell the Constitution? Sample! Forget my work was born?
Zhao Gao ( in front of the crown prince ): Chicken with his knife! I he a man, is enough to resist the a powerful army.
( Zhao Gao hands holding a hardcover files, one for " International Alliance charter " a thorn, " fighting method " upside-down, the crown prince in the hands of 13 files one by one shot down on the ground. )
King: Well, come on. Reporter Qin Wuyang was outside waiting to hear the result, back all think, write a 2000 words above review book
Bring to me, scattered in the!
Reporter: the original Qin they had settled out of court, really boring!
Reporter: Dance arm but thigh, anyway, not people.
The reporter Yang: back on Sohu copied manuscripts! Next time who shouted again I interview Jing Ke, I told ya Sike, like the crown prince Qin!
⑧ 荆轲刺秦王的英语话剧剧本
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 织梦内容管理系统
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I aming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensivemodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲 dedecms.com
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 本文来自织梦
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer. 织梦内容管理系统
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t rece my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш 织梦好，好织梦
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）. 织梦好，好织梦
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Nevere back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your ount.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
The End
⑨ 跪求长一点的英语搞笑剧本,急用求大神帮助
荆轲刺秦王英语搞笑剧本 The man wants to kill the king 旁白：It was war periods time, the war among different countries seemed endless. Every kings or ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes. As time goes by, it was becoming a fashion to feed some good men at home…… This is a crazy world. In the crazy world, there are the crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by the crazy way. 第一幕：Conspire(密谋) 太子丹（上，叹气）：Ying Zheng,that bad guy,treats me even worse than before.Resorts to lots of persons in his hand,he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince under the sun.Recently,he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live if these things happen again(急)。 Hey!! I must think out a good idea. I must make him know who I am.(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? (大臣阿三上)Indeed, tell me what shall we do now? 阿三：（毕恭毕敬）Just keep calm,please!Let me see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）（旁外音：当当当，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok,I get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qing is ours~~~ （淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状. 太子：Ha, ha~~~. Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent? 阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue .He is traveling in our country these days. I think we can’t lose the chance. We must employ him quickly. 太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible. 第二幕：tournament (比武) 西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，一条纸带随风而下） 西门吹雪 （Xi Men Chui Xue） 身高：190cm Height: 190cm 最爱干的事情：聊qq Favorite doing: chatting 战斗力：无限 War power: endless 最爱的颜色：黑色 Favorite color: black 武器：长剑 Weaponry: long sword 最爱喝的饮料：啤酒 Favorite drinks: beer 血型：O Type of blood: O 最崇拜的人：小燕子，****** Favorite idol: Xiao Yanzi Mao Zedong Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy. Stand out. 荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。 旁白：Competition begins. 荆轲（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue? 西门吹雪：Just come on. 荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story? 西门吹雪：（不耐烦）what a boring man! How dare you ask me such a stupid question? 荆轲（环视四周见无一人，便跪在西门吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless. I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down. Please don’t kill me. Give me the life, please! 西门吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero. But you beg for life. How can I forgive you? Give me your life. (举剑刺向荆轲，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语) Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice. (抬头) where is the toilet? 荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-? 西门吹雪：WC. 荆轲：W-C-? 西门吹雪：（急）茅厕！！Are you happy to hear such rude words? 荆轲：I know, I know. Turn left, left and left. 西门吹雪下。 太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。 阿三: What’s your name, please? Hero. 荆轲不屑一顾。 太子丹（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着： 宁在花下死， 作鬼也风流。 Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost. ——快活魔王荆轲是也 Happy prince of the gost 太子丹（抱拳）：How do you do 荆柯：How do you do. 荆柯突欲走，太子丹给阿三一个眼色。 阿三：Hero, wait for a moment. I have a problem which needs your help。 太子丹：You can gain a lot of things. 荆柯欲走又止。 太子丹(从衣兜里掏出一张卡片): Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero. 荆柯正准备拿，但马上又止，转身又欲走 太子丹（慌了）：I must use the last way. Ladies and gentlemen. This is Miss Huang! 旁白：“大世界”响起 有一妖艳女子走上（男扮女装），走到荆柯面前，给荆柯抛了一个眉眼。荆柯两眼发直。 太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah! 荆柯（站直，厉声道）：Great man, both born and die for his motherland. I am not the guy who just wants money and beauty. What shall I do? Prince, just say it out. But this lady…… 太子丹：No problem. 第三幕：Say goodbye in Yishui River(易水别) 荆珂挽着那女子，太子丹在后，阿三一手拿着地图，一手拿着人头上。 阿三：We have already reached Yishui River. 荆珂：Please just stop here. Goodbye. 太子丹：Hero, Let me see you off a little further 荆珂：What a boring guy. If you walk a little further, then you will go to Qin instead of me 太子丹：Well. Goodbye. Hero. Here is the map and the head of Fan Yuqi, so as to get trust of the king 荆珂（接过头，扔在一边。太子丹，阿三下，荆珂猛抱住妻子）：How can I express my feeling now? I don’t want to leave because I love you. Once I think I will kill Yingzheng . I can’t help rushing into W.C. you known. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. 妻子：Don’t worry. Do you still love me? 荆珂：Sure. I love you just like the mouse likes the rice. I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world. You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one. 妻子：Well. If you are still loving me. You should not make me sad Stand up like a man. Don’t be fearful. I will be right here waiting for you. 荆珂：You must wait for me. 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪， 旁白：”I will be right here waiting for you” 响起 荆珂上船，渐渐远去，（歌落） 妻子：Hey！ You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the assurance that I bought about you will no use. Go to your doom. Never come back. 第四幕：murdering (刺秦). 一大臣跑在前，一大臣紧随其后，跑了一圈，便上气不接下气。 大臣甲（掏出手机一看）：Hey, bad luck. I am late. The bonus of this month has been lost. 大臣乙：I am tired. I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night. 大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good. Good. Your skin is fine. 大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday. 大臣乙：I have heart the emperor of Yan again give our king some good things. Be quick, to have a look. 大臣甲：Come on 秦王上座，两个大臣各坐一边。 卫兵丙：“Can we begin？” 秦王“begin” 卫兵丙：“Let the people of Yan， Jingke come in” 荆柯上。跪下，吓得直发抖。 秦王：“Jingke. What’s wrong with you？” 荆柯：“Nothing. Nothing. May be there are lots of fleas on my body “. 秦王（不烦）：What’s the good things， quickly！” 荆柯献图，图穷匕首见，荆柯举刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only Only响起）秦王摔倒，转身逃跑，其他人抱头趴在地上。 两个人围着大臣兜圈，过了一会儿…… 大臣甲喊道：“Mr King, drink the milk quickly!”扔了一奶壶，秦王接住，咂了一下，顿时，力大无比，立刻将荆柯打倒在地。 秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me? 荆柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。 Please forgive me! 秦王：You will never live again. What would you like to say? 荆柯：My lovely lady， Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish it. Only after losing it .I found myself regretting. No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you! “If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love. I hope it would be ten thousand years. 秦王（吼道）：Soldiers carry out and put the pig head on the wall!! 第五幕：Escape（逃跑） 二个卫兵拖着荆柯上，（手脚以被绑）将荆柯扔到一边。二人气喘吁吁，甲搜身。 卫兵甲：Bad luck. He has no money. 卫兵乙：Money?? You are joking! I have searched all his body, just two socks. 卫兵甲:What?? Two socks? 卫兵乙:Nothing. Nothing. (回头)Too dangerous. 卫兵甲:Put the socks out. 卫兵乙L极不情愿，拿出了一双大小不一的袜子 卫兵甲看了看，比了比。将长的装进了自己兜里，短的扔给了卫兵乙。 卫兵乙：Too brazen. (两人互看)Oh,no.It’s fair. 荆柯（抬起头）：I will give you much more money if you set me free. 二卫兵：Really? Where is the money? 荆柯指了指脚上的绳子。二卫兵会意，解开了绳子。 荆柯（站起来）：My brothers, I have a good idea. If you do it,you will get lots of money. 二卫兵：Oh,please tell it to us! 荆柯:You can tie another person instead of me to put to death. Only the king recognizes me but he won’t watch my death. So no one will find out the secret. 二卫兵：Good idea!!(竖指) 荆柯去一边的树林里，拿出两袋钱，扔给二卫兵便大步而去。二卫兵正指着钱，忽卫兵丙推自行车上。 二卫兵（双目相视，大笑，同声）：Good!! 两人一把抓住骑车人，只往下拉，车子扔在地上。 卫兵丙：What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong. Oh,no no!!! Have I crime? 二卫兵（异口同声）：Maybe.大笑.(Yesterday once more 起) ------------落幕------------